Not long after leaving my future ex-husband I wrote to his second ex wife on Facebook to see if she wanted to compare notes. She had tried, when I was falling in love and making it public on my old blog, to warn me off of him, but I didn’t listen. Of course. One self-abusing night I must have re-read her warnings and felt like a huge ass, so I wrote her to commiserate. Months later she responded and made it apparent she wanted to know what happened, but wasn’t terribly forthcoming of her own story. That spooked me and helped me make the better decision which was to continue looking forward, not back. One tidbit she did share is that she refers to him, and her friends know him as, “The Terrible Monster.” Pretty aw
So anyway I’ve had a lot of dreams about the terrible monster. Some were infuriatingly romantic. Some were telling and dark. Others have been violent. Quite a few have made use of his sexual addictions and use of whores. Last night I found a mousy brown whore in his house (for the third or so time, in dreams). I yelled, ranted and generally tore her a new asshole then chocked her full of warnings. I also think I lamented at some point all the money he was fucking away in attempt to soothe his broken ego monstrosity that could be going to educate, clothe, feed, nourish and heal his children.
It was not nice upon waking; one of those dreams you trouble over for too long into the day’s events. I can’t figure out, and probably never will, how much of it is clairvoyant information and how much is just anger poisoning my sleep.