In Salamander’s first year we went camping four times. There were many trade-offs made when I left feh, some harder than others. Being at a disadvantage to outdoor life is one really big one for me. The good thing that grew from that fertilizer is that I am very motivated still to continue building the life I want on terms I will accept. I can buy my own tent and take my kids camping. Self-reliance is so sexy.
I took this camping trip by myself. There was great contention because of it. I desperately needed to have a good time. I needed to be able to breathe, be myself, not have to answer questions or accusations surrounding my fidelity, my intentions, my “true” feelings. The work was minimized because breakfast and dinner were served communally. The work was enjoyable because I was with people who respected and cared about me. I found that spending 48 hours with my son and no other parent was demanding, but enjoyable. We danced to music, swam, got up at dawn, and did yoga in a field.
At 8 months Salamander was raring to walk, but you could tell he’d rather run.