The count down to the boy having his tonsils removed is down to one day. It both is and is not a big deal. It’s a big deal. My baby having surgery is a big deal. Any where from 4 days to 10 days of recovery is a big deal. Liquid Vicodin for 4 year olds is a big deal. All of that. And it isn’t a big deal because it’s the hand shake of surgeries. It’s a good deal because his health will improve with better sleep, more oxygen, possibly even improved appetite. And all that is stressful. I have brief fantasies that I will be a productive wench while he recuperates, but I should probably allow for the possibility that I’ll be really busy being a nurse those three days I get to be home with him afterward.
We haven’t heard from his father since we learned that he was in Colorado. Ostensibly he was visiting his parents. My mom is nervous he’s laying in wait to spring a surprise visit on us. She makes sure the doors are locked at all times. Her nerves are a bit contagious. So that’s happening.
My car became ill with consumption. Incapacitated. Dead until I miracle hundreds of dollars into my life. Can I make a compelling kickstarter for this? Seems ridiculous and even shameful to think of such things. So yeah, there’s that too.
The car and not having savings enough to do the things that would maintain my health and the health of my car and home was a real kick in the teeth, especially as: the holidays. I’ve really grown to love the holidays in my adult life. Especially with kids, I relish creating as much magic and merriment as I can. But it’s a boat load of cranberries to pretend it isn’t adding to my stress. I am doing my best to minimize that, but really what is most likely happening is I’m watching the finish line approach, knowing things are not done and thinking, Oh Well. The heat will be on, I’ll stress myself to bits the night or two before trying to do something, anything for those friends and co-workers “I should” give “something” to. Because, as Garrison Keillor put it on PHC today, “what if I don’t?” They may just get cards reading “Friendship” and I will remind them that it’s a gift I give 24/7. That’ll humble ’em! Bah. Humbug.
Anyway.
All that was actually the preface to what I was going to do tonight, because I wanted to do something (there’s that sentiment again!). I have written and saved three posts this weekend. They’re raw. They’re uncut. Here are passages from each that mean something universal, I think. From me to you: LIFE and all its baubles….
How does she lead in to a long-winded kvetch with so many feelings choking the narrow passage out? Her complaints feel ordinary and Continue reading →
Shana Rose Up 